I leaned against the wall, feeling a weight press down on me. For the first time, I could admit the truth: the most helpless person here was me.
Since I was nineteen, my life had been trapped in the shadow cast by Beatrix. And I had never managed to escape.
Paul once told me that I helped him turn his life around. After he found hope, he wanted to share it with others. Among the people he helped, Beatrix was the most special.
When Beatrix was nineteen, she insisted on going alone to pick up my birthday cake and ended up surrounded by a gang of punks. Paul reminded me, “She’s doing this for you; one day, you should protect her a little.” My heart ached for Beatrix—so vulnerable, so alone. Ignoring an odd feeling I couldn’t quite place, I agreed.
At twenty-two, Beatrix went alone to pick up my wedding ring, only to be attacked on her way back, casting a shadow over our wedding day. Paul told me, “She’s pregnant now and wants to keep the child. She met us because of you. You should take care of her.” I sympathized with her and didn’t question his words. I simply did my best to support her.
When I was twenty-three, after a difficult labor, I finally delivered Adeline. When I woke up, the first face I saw was Beatrix’s, looking pale and worn. Paul explained, “Beatrix passed out from donating blood to save you. We owe her our lives now.”
I’d just narrowly escaped death, yet a chill ran through me as if I were bound by something unseen. After Paul left, Beatrix’s weak smile turned sharp. “Alice, from today onward, you owe me a life. Remember that debt.”
I lost the right to celebrate my own wedding anniversary. “It’s too painful for Beatrix,” Paul said. “It’s cruel to celebrate when she has suffered so much for us.”
And Adeline has never had a birthday celebration since she was born. “Her birth almost cost me you and nearly killed Beatrix,” he’d say. “It’s better not to make a fuss over birthdays.”
Beatrix. Her name hung over me like a shadow, a nightmare I couldn’t shake.
I still didn’t understand how doing one good deed led to a lifetime of debts to Beatrix. I didn't know how my life became burdened by obligations I never asked for.
I made Adeline’s fifth birthday cake with my own hands. She no longer asked why Daddy wasn’t there. She just kissed me with a bright, joyful smile.
“What’s your birthday wish, Sweetie?” I asked, curious.